Hey, how about a big f&^% you!

I can only say this. I have kept my trap shut long enough. Some of you will know what this is about, others will be like wtf is this about. 😉

So this weekend while celebrating the new beginning for one friend, another friend that has blown off their friendship to me, and others put the last nail in the coffin I guess .

I’m done being nice, feeling like I need to be careful what I say or do to appease those involved in this childish feud. While it’s not easy to just write off 2o years of friendship, it is much harder to sit by and be driven crazy by juvenile behavior on the part of one or two people.

Ok, enough being cryptic, basically one of my best friends, friend1 has decided to terminate his friendship with multiple people because of an incident, that wasn’t even an incident, that occurred two years ago. This “incident” involved one friend, friend2 making a joke in front of friend1’s then GF (now wife). The then GF got upset over the joke for some reason, a number of us witnessed the “incident” and everything seemed a bit shaken for the next week. The offending friend2 was living out of state and headed back home after a few days.

Fast forward to a year later, friend1 is getting married to then GF. His bachelor party rolls around, friend2 had just moved back to the state so he was local. Friend1 realized the whole fiasco over the “incident” was childish and there are better ways to deal with it and invited friend2 to his bachelor party. The bachelor party is great, a weekend in the mountains, good times by all. A week later shit blows up. Friend1 is in the shit house for some reason with his future wife, contacts friend2 and basically tells him he needs to help him out. I consult with friend2 and say, sometimes we gotta take a bullet to make things better, he tries to help out friend1 since they seem to be such good friends. Then comes “the email.”

So friend1 sends friend2 “the email” basically stating their friendship is over for no good reason and that’s that. Friend2 tries to rationalize with friend1, but friend1 is stressed out about wedding stuff so friend2 backs off and waits to see if the smoke clears.

Well the smoke never clears. I attended the wedding, friend2 was not invited, in fact since about July 2005 friend1 and friend2 have not spoke. Friend1 basically hasn’t talked to me, or a few other close friends for about 7 or so months.

Then comes last weekend. I see friend1 for the first time in 7 months. Not one phone call or email responded to. The first words out of friend1’s mouth to me is, “Sorry I blew you off for 7 month, but when you called or emailed it always involved friend2.” My response was, not here, not now. This is someone else’s party. By the way, his comments were out of line and mostly untrue. I will admit calling once while friend2 and I, and other mutual friends, were out. Other than that, his statement was bs.

So I sat there at this party I was having fun at dumbfounded by what I was just told. At that point I wanted to just leave, but had a full beer and some other good friends, including the host, were there and I wanted to hang out for a bit. Then the uncomfortable feeling of hanging out with friend1 and this high school like behavior made me realize it was time to go. I was very nice to him and his wife the whole time I was there with them and then I made up an excuse to leave…talk about childish. 😉

Anyway, so yeah, basically I feel like I got a big f*&^ you from one of my oldest friends, friend1. So since I am not one to wallow in this type of bullshit for too long, I basically have to write this friendship off. Not really a bad investment, 20 years is a good run. I’d rather is dissipate over logistical issues than a childish grudge, but so be it. I said this to friend2 today, to use a cliche, you make your bed, that’s where you lie. Friend1 made up his mind, and that is something the rest of us will live with. The important thing is can he live with it.

So friend1, thanks for the years of fun, have a good life. Friend2, here’s to good times ahead, take a load off and write it off. Life is too short to let this type of crap get in the way.

Friend1 Friendship 1986 – 2006 RIP

EDIT 03/14/2006 – I wanted to add, because this post seems very negative, that friend1 is one of my oldest and until about 7 months ago closest friends. I still would help him out if needed, and be there if needed. I don’t hate or dislike friend1, I don’t hate or dislike friend1’s wife. They are both good people and by nature are very nice. It just means I am done “working” on making this a good situation for everyone. It is just time to cut my losses and I only add this because of concerned e-mails and IMs.

5 thoughts on “Hey, how about a big f&^% you!”

  1. Jay,
    You are 100% right and honestly I think it is time for us all to move on. Hopefully things work out in the end for all involved, but better to not waste time on people that can’t be there for us.

  2. I have seen much of this go down from the sidelines where it is safe. I still find it hard to believe. It seems like there is some big misunderstanding that 30 minutes of friendly conversation and a six pack couldn’t clear up. I like friend1. Heck, I think I even like his wife. Or at least I did, but I am not so sure now. I still find it hard to believe that she is the manipulative and incorrigible person that she comes across in this whole ordeal.

    friend1, if you read this, as a veteran of one failed marriage take my advice. You are going to need your friends. There are going to be bumps in the road. If this situation is any indicator there will be many, many ginormous bumps in the road. Think hard about whether you want to burn all these bridges. This situation is the topic of discussion frequently. Friends like Jay, friend2, et al are hard to come by. You should take it as a compliment that they are so frustrated by this whole situation. If anybody is willing to forgive and forget and get back to being friends it is these guys. Most people are lucky to have one friend like this, you have many more. In the future you will regret sacrificing them.

    And thats all I have to say about that.

  3. Bing Bong & The Bear both agree that this all seems sort of like a couple of old women fighting over their cribbage game about who was supposed to make tea for the day. Nevertheless, love to all.

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